Did I completely screw up?

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While coaching my clients I often ask the question, “Tell me where I’m wrong.” 

I love the freedom of that question within the coach-client relationship.

It feels differently when I turn the question toward myself and wonder, “Was I wrong? Did I completely and utterly screw up?”

I start picking apart my decisions and actions and telling myself where I was wrong or where I should have said something differently.

The internal conversation inside my head has looked like a bareknuckle fight club of thoughts.

That's when doubt creeps in.

And when my inspiration comes to a screeching halt.

That's when I feel absolutely horrible in a dark place of shame, wonder and replaying of the past.

It’s not a kind place to be.

When I’m in that space there is a small part of me that wants to be told that it’s okay and that I didn’t screw up – that I made a good decision – and that I was right.

Being right seems like such a safe place to be. Follow the rules, do it “right” and everything will be okay… right?

But the desire to be “right” actually isolates and leaves us out on the edge of darkness in our minds, wondering, maybe feeling justified yet doubtful.

Releasing the need to be right at the moment you notice yourself gripping to the desire of “rightness” or avoiding being “wrong” is where you hold your power.

Wayne Dyer says, “When given the choice between being right or being kind, choose kind.”

It’s an amazing thing that happens when you choose kindness over rightness, because it isn’t just kindness for the other person (if one is involved) but it’s truly kindness for yourself.

Kindness and allowing without attachment to “rightness” or “wrongness” is the path to inner freedom.

Choosing kindness could sound like…

I made the best decision I knew how to make in that moment.

This is a process of learning, and it’s totally okay.

I may do things differently in the future, but what was supposed to happen happened.

(To another) You know, you could be right.

If you’re in that dark place of wonder right now I’m here to tell you that it’s okay. You don’t need to be right. You don’t need to avoid being “wrong” or making “mistakes” either.

This uncomfortable feeling is here to help you turn toward inner freedom. Peace does not live in the grip of control, but rather in the power of releasing reality to be exactly what it is.