Is this draining you?

I felt pissed. Wronged. Cheated.
I’ll tell you the very short version of the story.

I purchased a form of insurance with a half marathon registration so that if I became injured my registration would be refunded (and, well, I got injured).  

This “insurance company” started to look like one big fraud. No matter what I did, my application was rejected. I was so pissed.

I wanted to fight and WIN.

Then, I remembered Eckhart Tolle sharing a story once of an archer who couldn’t hit the target because, “his need to win drains him of his power.”

I was draining my power. 

Of course I couldn’t see this when I was in it. I was dead-set on showing them they were wrong and I was right.

In hindsight, I can see that I wanted to fight because I felt powerless and small.

The harder I fought to win—or prove I was right—the smaller and more powerless I felt.

Being in a state of resistance, fighting, needing to win, or constantly thinking is DRAINING.

It’s draining on so many levels.

And that fighting energy gets in the way of the deeper connection to Being, where true power resides alongside wisdom. 

But, relief is possible.

A shift happened for me when I did a practice of looking at myself from another perspective.

Rather than being swept away in the story, I looked at ‘Sarah’ and what she was experiencing. 

From this outside perspective I was able to see the part of me that felt powerless, small, and that didn’t want injustices in the world (yeah, it went deep).
I could also see my big heart and my values around honesty.
I felt compassion for her, which was really self-compassion, and then the relief hit like a wave.

The need to fight and win was gone. 

And the relief I felt was far deeper than I would have experienced had my refund been processed.


Self-compassion is one way to move out of the mind and back in touch with Being, and that powerful inner wise voice that knows what to do next.

From this space, I was able to take conscious action, which for me was to drop the whole thing. 

Alright, so how do we go from fighting, angry, wanting to win to self-compassion and conscious action?

Let’s give this a go:

1)    Start by noticing.

Are you ever in a state of wanting to fight and win? Like, with your coworkers, kids, spouse, or even drivers on the road? Can you notice it when you’re in it?

2)   Experiment with this self-compassion practice

Sit, close your eyes, relax and breathe.

Then imagine yourself from an outside perspective. Look at yourself and what’s going on. 
Does s/he feel small?  
Does s/he feel powerless?
Can you feel compassion for that one who’s fighting?

3) It’s OKAY if this is not immediate or easy.

Experiment again or in different ways.  Sometimes it’s easier to imagine an animal, child or friend suffering, feel compassion for them, and then turn it to you. You can also feel free to reach out to me here if you’d like some help with this practice.

If you were able to connect to self-compassion, what did you discover?  

If you did discover something from this practice, I’d love to hear from you!

Post a comment below or click here to send me an email.

What we’re going after is relief.  

The relief we find from compassion may transform our need to win into something more powerful and far reaching than we may ever imagine.

PS: Eckhart Tolle was referencing a poem by Chuang Tzu that you can read below. 

The Archer’s Need To Win

When an archer is shooting for fun
He has all his skill.If he shoots for a brass buckle
He is already nervous.

If he shoots for a prize of gold
He goes blind

Or sees two targets –
He is out of his mind.

His skill has not changed,
But the prize divides him.

He cares
He thinks more of winning
Than of shooting –
And the need to win
Drains him of power.
— Chuang Tzu