Feeling stuck sucks.
My client, Erin, hates her body and trying to lose weight is a battle.
She tells herself that she needs to work harder at it.
She stays awake at night fearing that things will never change but only get worse.
If you feel stuck and want to create massive change, here is one question that will help:
Can I accept this situation as it is right now?
HELL NO! Is the response I usually get when I ask my clients (and myself) this question.
I can’t! And why should I? I hate this! I can’t live like this, so why should I try to accept it?
Here’s why: Massive change begins when you loosen your grip on resistance and shift, even a little bit, toward acceptance.
That’s right, accepting what you hate right now—as counterproductive as that might seem—will help you create the change you want.
It’s because if you focus on what you don't want, resist it like hell, and feel like crap—you remain stuck.
If you shift slightly and say, “okay, right now, this is what is” you start to ease up on resistance and begin to move toward feeling better.
The key in all of this is moving your feelings.
Let’s play with this…
STEP ONE: HELLO RESISTANCE
Think of something you hate in your life right now, or something that you think should be different.
You can feel that, right? That’s the feeling that sucks. That’s resistance.
I bet that if you check into your body right now that you’re feeling tight, tense or pain. Maybe you just had a flood of thoughts or images in your head that suck about why you hate this situation.
For Erin, when she thinks of her body she feels frustrated, defeated, and heavy (sucky resistant feelings) even before she thinks of all the specifics of reasons why she hates her body (sucky resistant thoughts).
As you resist what is, feel these sucky feelings, you will then attract more feelings like this one.
Which turn into more days that feel like the last one.
So, let’s change this up and shift your focus and feelings too.
STEP TWO: TURN YOUR FOCUS
Thinking of the same subject, ask yourself: Can I accept this as it is right now? It doesn’t have to be forever, just right now.
The goal is to ease up on that resistance in order to feel more peace and ease.
This is usually when people say, Yeah, but I don’t want to stay in this situation! And accepting it, or even feeling better about it, is encouraging me to stay where I am.
I promise you, it isn’t.
When you accept what is right now and feel more peace with it, your feelings become closer to what you do want.
Another way of saying it is, accepting WHAT IS sucks WAY LESS than resisting it.
Then, you start feeling better.
Which will turn into more days that feel better than the last.
For Erin, she asked herself if she could accept her body as it is right now. Initially, she hated that question (resistance) and it took a little time of sitting with it like a meditation.
As she held her focus on that question she started to feel a slight ease in her resistance and then she started to see her body in a different way.
She thought of how her legs work for her, and move her from here to there.
She thought about how she could breathe and was overall pretty healthy.
She thought of how her body gave birth to her children.
Her focus shifted from resistance to the question of acceptance. And from the question, her feelings tilted from hatred to acceptance to eventually gratitude.
And grateful is how she really wants to feel when she’s at her ideal weight. Boom—in a short period of time Erin started to feel better AND create the feeling that she ultimately wants.
That’s massive change.
Erin continued to play with this and over time created more change in her life—beyond her body— by making it a practice to notice her resistance and then turn her focus to the question of acceptance.
Losing weight isn’t a battle for Erin anymore, but the best part is that she doesn’t feel stuck in her body. She feels strong, powerful, and grateful.
STEP THREE: PLAY IT FORWARD
Play with this and see what happens for you.
You might feel straight up annoyed or resistant to that question like Erin did, and that’s okay.
That can end up being a great place to start too. Can I accept the fact that I’m annoyed at this question right now? Can I accept the fact that I feel resistance to this exercise right now?
Just see what happens.
Then play with something else, like being late or feeling tired.
Remember, the goal is to shift your feelings closer to what you want to feel. When you notice your grip is a little looser or the disgust seems a little less, you just created change.
And that little shift is the beginning of something massive.
**Client names are changed to protect confidentiality.