life coaching

Confession time

Okay, confession time. 

A few days ago I sent out an email about my “someday, maybe” I’ll go back to New York and how it became my “someday soon, absolutely!” If you missed it, check it out right here

My “it’s gonna happen!” feeling is AH-MAZING. Don’t get me wrong. 

But, let’s be real. 

I’ve had mom-guilt about the trip. 

I’m leaving my babies and flying 3,000 miles away. 

My youngest cried the last time I left her at my parent’s house to go out to dinner! And then when I got home she told me how much she missed me. 

And I’m leaving for days

I’ve wondered how hard it might be for the girls and for my husband too. 

I’ve wondered how much I might miss them. 

I’ve thought about how my mom never took trips like this when I was little. It seems like I always had the comfort of knowing mom was home. 

Yup, mom-guilt. 

And, I’m going anyway. 

And, I’m crazy excited. 

And, I’ve worked through my mom-guilt to be leaving feeling guilt-free.

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I did it by asking myself two questions whenever I had the guilt-ridden thoughts: 

1: “Do I know that to be a fact?” 

2: “How might that be perfect?”

It went like this… I’d think, “I’m leaving my babies” and then ask, “How might that be perfect?” 

Then, I’d start to think about how my traveling allows them to see their mom following her dreams. 

It gives them extra time with dad. 

It allows them to see that I can leave and come back and all will be well. 

My guilt shifted to ease. 

Or, I’d think, “This is going to be hard on the girls” and then ask myself, “Do I know that to be a fact?” Nope. I don’t. It might be spectacular for everyone. That’s what I’m expecting. 

Here’s the bottom line:

Mom-guilt is a form of beating yourself up. 

And it doesn’t help anyone

For me, this mom-guilt was sneaky. I didn’t immediately realize I was beating myself up because I was THINKING about how much I love my kids. 

The FEELING, however, was beat-up and what I really needed was self-kindness, self-permission, and self-compassion. 

If you’re feeling mom-guilt, be kind to yourself. Ask yourself the questions above, or consider the kindest thing you can say to yourself right now. 

We don’t need to beat ourselves up for being human, making mistakes, taking trips, being away, or having a damn good time without our kids. 

The beat-up helps no one. 

It doesn’t say, “I love you.” It says, “I punish me.” 

Whereas self-compassion is centered around love. It says, “I love me.” 

Is that the message we want to tell? 

Regardless of whether or not you’re a mom, if you feel any guilt reach for self-compassion. A dose of kindness toward yourself goes a long way.

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PS: Self-compassion is part of my formula for CONFIDENCE and it’s one of our classes in UNSTOPPABLE EASE. You’ll learn more formula for confidence and several life-changing self-compassion practices. Join the live class or the recordings-only option right here.

Feel PROUD

“I don’t know… there are a lot of goals that I didn’t meet this year,” my client Meghan said.

“We didn’t meet our goals at work, and we could have saved more money at home, and (sigh) I’m still not getting up as early as I’d like.”

This was coming from a woman who, in the last year, accepted a layoff with grace and optimism, and then landed a new job within four weeks!

She also found her love of painting again.

She initiated communication changes at her daughter’s school.

And found a level of body confidence that she’s never had before.

She started going on monthly dates with her husband.

And hired a contractor to break ground on her bathroom remodel dream.

But, in that moment, Meghan forgot all of that.

She was in a moment of looking at what hadn’t happened. And that’s what she saw.

So, we redirected her focus to what happened in 2018 that made her feel proud.

“Oh, I feel like a totally different person,” Meghan said. Then, accomplishments, changes, “ah-ha” moments, and surprises started pouring out of her.

“I stopped putting others needs before my own,” she said, “and made changes to find ME and feel more like me. That’s huge. That’s number one.”

If you’re looking back at 2018 and thinking about what didn’t happen, then redirect your focus to what makes you feel PROUD.

What did you learn?

What did you create?

What did you survive?

Who did you meet?  

Write a list of WHAT YOU DID -- big and small -- and take that PROUD energy into the New Year.

THAT’S the energy that will create MORE PROUD moments for you.

You’ll be kicking off this New Year feeling proud about what you did in 2018 and empowered to do more amazing things in 2019.

Here’s to a MAGICAL New Year filled with ease, accomplishments, “ah-ha” moments, and surprises for you.

CHEERS TO YOU!

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PS: Want to start 2019 doing something FOR YOU? Grab a seat to my masterclass, Unstoppable Ease. It’s a 10-week masterclass for women who are ready to make major changes in a fun, supportive environment (and feel super PROUD of those changes!). We start January 16th, so grab your seat right here.

PPS: Can’t make it to the live class? You can still get access to ALL RECORDINGS + get a free BONUS! I’m now offering a FREE 1-1 coaching session with me ($250 value) if you register for the recordings-only access. Simply register here and send me an emailletting me know you're doing recordings-only -- done