Last week, I found myself in an awkward situation.
I won't delve into all the nitty-gritty details, but the gist is that someone I love had an unspoken assumption that I would do something for them that I never agreed to do.
So, there I was, faced with the option of “not making a big deal out of it” and just doing what they wanted me to do OR naming what I saw, asking abou it, and potentially creating an awkward situation.
I went for the awkward situation.
I named it by saying something like, “Hey, it appears that there’s an unspoken assumption here that I’d do this thing. How do you see it?”
And then I said what I’d like in the future.
It got a little awkward and I could sense the disappointment in the other person's eyes, and I even had a thought that maybe I should just be more generous or not make a fuss.
But here's the thing: in those moments, when we act against our true desires from an assumption that we’re avoiding disappointing another; we're betraying ourselves.
This pattern of choosing self-betrayal in an attempt to sidestep disappointment or awkward social moments ultimately leads to a lose-lose situation.
Over time the cost of betraying yourself is that you go through life feeling like a half-baked version of you, like you don’t really know, respect and love yourself. Think about that for a second. You are the ONLY person who will accompany you for your entire life’s journey. Don’t you want to know, wholeheartedly honor, and fiercely love yourself to the point where your heart has unwavering trust that you have your own back?
The other cost is to the relationship. Our culture often says that if we avoid disappointing someone that our relationship will be better. Will it? Or will it actually be a superficial relationship based on conditions that no one can really be themselves? I think the latter.
And that’s why I say: Stop betraying yourself and embrace the awkwardness that might come with that.
Yeah, it might be really uncomfortable, and that’s okay. The reward of staying true to your desires and loving yourself will manifest as freedom, satisfaction and joy.
Here’s to always having your own back,
PS: Let’s take you to the next level of loving yourself. I’m opening up a few 1:1 coaching slots for 2024! These slots don’t come around often, so if you think you might be interested, apply right here!