I Felt Like I Blew It

ben-white-138743-unsplash.jpg

I felt like I blew it. 

There I was, in the middle of teaching a rather large online class, when I realized that my notes were USELESS

I’d written too much! I couldn’t glance at them. 

And then, I LOST MY PLACE!

Trying to figure it out, I repeated things. I rambled. And forgot important steps. 

That’s when my inner Perfectionist started to freak out. 

“OMG!”  Perfectionist said, realizing the ship was going down, “The structure! The content! We need the notes!” 

We were sinking. 

Then, my inner Mean Girl appeared.

It’s like she was waiting this WHOLE TIME for an opportunity like this so that she could whisper in my ear, “You look like someone who doesn’t know what she’s doing. They’re gonna think you suck.”

My face felt hot.

I’ve been in this exact spot many times before.

In the past, the Perfectionist and Mean Girl duo led me to feel like an utter failure, made me want to give up, punish myself or hustle more.  

This time, I spotted the Perfectionist and Mean Girl in action and reached for EASE. 

Ease is strong, confident, relaxed under pressure and so, so incredibly kind to me. 

Ease always has my back. 

“Relax your body and stand tall,” Ease said. 

My whole body shifted. My shoulders dropped, chin lifted and my hands opened.

Take ownership of this moment AS IT IS. You know what you’re doing. You don’t need notes. You’ve got this as it is,” Ease said with confidence.  

I took a deep breath, put the notes aside and taught from my heart. 

My Perfectionist and Mean Girl watched, mouths agape, in shock and disgust. 

“That’s never gonna work,” Mean Girl said.

“It’s still not A level!” Perfectionist added.

“That’s alright,” I said back and carried on. 

After I wrapped up the class I felt proud and disappointed, relieved and exhausted

My Perfectionist and Mean Girl were still hanging around making comments in my head. 

What a disaster,” Mean Girl said. 

“So embarrassing. I just want to hide,” said Perfectionist. 

I reached for Ease again.

“It may not have been perfect, and that’s okay,” Ease said strongly. 

She was there and then quickly started to slip away, so I reached for Ease again. 

“This is not about being perfect. It’s about showing up and being human,” she said.

She slipped away, I reached again.

“You’re doing amazing. This is a sign of growth. No one is perfect.”

And again. 

“Your power is right now. That moment passed. Only lessons now because your power is right now.”  

I felt like I reached for Ease for hours, maybe even days (who knows?), after that class. 

Becoming UNSTOPPABLE in your LIFE and BUSINESS isn’t about becoming so perfect that you never stumble. 

It’s about reaching for the STRONG, KIND VOICE within you that always HAS YOUR BACK and tells you that YOU'RE OKAY even when you stumble. 

This is the voice that’s rooted in LOVE and COMPASSION. 

This is the voice that will pick you up, and brush you off and cheer you on NO MATTER WHAT.

Becoming UNSTOPPABLE with EASE is about reaching for this voice OVER and OVER and OVER AGAIN. 

Reach for it by asking yourself, “What would love and compassion say to me?” 

Ask yourself this question as many times as it takes until you FEEL some RELIEF. 

Practice reaching for your STRONG, KIND, "inner EASE" voice and you'll discover that she's available to you when you need her most. 

You'll then feel EASE when you stumble and when you SOAR. 

Xo Sarah Papp.png