The Sacred Rebellion When Falling Apart

I went dark after my last article. I didn’t plan to stop writing, and as a solopreneur, disappearing isn’t really recommended (not that it is for most of us in this culture). But when I thought this might be the end of my mom’s life, I didn’t know what to say. And honestly? A part of me didn’t care.

Over the last two to three years, I’ve been slowly losing my mom to Lewy Body dementia. It feels like I’ve entered a new world where she’s fading from my life, and I’m stumbling through unfamiliar territory without the person I once turned to as a guide.

As a coach, it makes perfect sense to me that my ability to write went offline and that I forgot regular tasks. That’s often what massive transformation and grief look like.

And I know I’m not the only one.

Many of us are stumbling into unfamiliar territory—whether it’s a shift in career, relationships, health, or just living in a world with daily drops of WTF news. Maybe you’ve been hit with one massive change, or a string of smaller ones, and suddenly you feel lost, frustrated, or like you just stepped off a cliff and the ground disappeared.

This is Square One.

It’s the first stage of change in what Dr. Martha Beck calls the Four Squares of Change, the cycle we move through in times of transition: first, we dissolve (hello, me right now), then we dream, then we build, and finally we live it.

I’ve guided hundreds of clients through Square One, and here’s the challenge I constantly see: most people don’t realize they’re in it, so they double down on the wrong things and get stuck. 

They feel tired, disoriented, unable to imagine what’s next, and assume something’s wrong with them. From there, the pressure and judgment pile on.

We compare ourselves to others or demand that we “get it together” and push through. That happened to me. After weeks of not writing, a scared little voice in my head started: “OMG, I completely forgot to write!” As if nothing else in my life had changed. I started to compare myself to other writers and coaches, until I stopped myself.

That voice was culture talking. And culture doesn’t do Square One well.

Here’s the thing: Square One isn’t a productivity problem to be solved. It’s the death-and-rebirth part of the cycle. And what we need in Square One are the same touchstones that have shaped who we are as humans for millennia: rest, art, music, nature, storytelling, time under the sky, and food shared in community. That’s not only how humans have been sustained, but it’s been knit into who we are as a species. Today, giving yourself those things might actually feel like rebellion.

And maybe that’s the real invitation of Square One: to practice sacred rebellion.

To cut ourselves some slack. To stop doing what culture says we “should” and instead do what helps us feel more alive. I’m not talking about the quick-fix or numbing kind, but the kind your body and soul are wired for. The kind that lowers anxiety and opens you back up to life: nature, fresh air, creativity, connection, quiet, maybe even a guide to walk alongside you.

If you’re in Square One, you’re not broken, and just recognizing you’re in it matters.

It’s okay if you feel like you’ve stepped into a strange new world and have no idea which way to go. The question is: what do you need as you navigate forward?

This is your invitation to a sacred rebellion: to listen within, seek what you’re wired for, and refuse culture’s demands to push through.

Find a guide who can help you move through Square One and into the dreaming and scheming of Square Two. You will find your footing. You will find your way. And when you do, you’ll return to yourself, you might just amaze yourself, and feel more alive and aligned than ever.

XO

Sarah

PS: Ready to map your sacred rebellion? My group program, Alive & Aligned, with live coaching sessions, returns October 21st. Together we’ll do the deep, practical work that helps you dissolve what’s no longer working, reclaim what matters most, and step into a life that feels radically alive and aligned.

I write regularly about aliveness, fear, and the inner choices that shape our lives. Get the next one in your inbox.