How to deal when people are irritating

Picture this…

It’s a cool autumn morning in the Oregon forestlands. The wandering dirt trail, towering evergreens, and lush ferns create a Pintrest-ready image of serenity.

Now insert the addition of a five-year-old whining, “I hate this!”

She’s so irritated and unhappy to be hiking and carrying her backpack that she slumps over, ready to collapse into the dirt with disgust. “Why do we have to be here? This is so boring!”

This was our family hike.

Much like a movie, there’s a scene, a plot, and characters.

On this day, my five-year-old, Olivia, was playing the role of COMPLAINER (at least in my head she was).

I was not digging the role she was playing.

It was irritating and, at times, I felt like I couldn’t deal with it!

ALL I wanted was for her to STOP playing that role. Stop complaining! Stop whining! Enjoy the beauty, dammit!

Simply put, I thought, “If you’d just change, I could be happy.”

Do you ever think that about someone in your life?

If you’d just BE HAPPY, then I could be happy.

If you’d STOP being an asshole, then I wouldn’t get so defensive.

If you’d STOP saying these things, I wouldn’t worry so much.

Demanding that someone else change for you to feel better is a battle you will lose every time.

IT’S NOT THEIR JOB TO CHANGE — IT’S YOURS.

You create your own reality and YOU are the DIRECTOR of your life.

Rather than trying to force your characters to change, try to appreciate the role they’re playing in your life right now like it’s rigged in your favor.

In my case, I appreciated Olivia’s UNWILLINGNESS to just do what others wanted her to do! I’m coaching my clients to re-learn this nowadays, so I thought, “own that, girl!”

I also appreciated how, as the “complainer,” Olivia was helping me practice finding peace regardless of circumstances.

Then, I appreciated her helping me change up my workout because I ended up carrying the 45-lb girl on my back for a mile and half.

Seeing her differently didn’t necessarily change HER or her behavior, but it changed ME.

And when I changed, my whole experience changed.

No matter who it is in your life, or what role they’re playing, don’t demand that they change so that you can deal.

See what happens if you even appreciate the role they’re playing right now.

When you do that, what happens for you?

Are you being honest with yourself?

I wasn't completely honest with myself. 

On vacation, I said a whole lotta YES and a whole lotta NO.

But, much of the time I didn't pay close attention to whether my YES or NO was TRUTHFUL.

Was it what I really WANTED?!

I said NO to more alone time. 
I said YES to supporting others. 
I said NO to quietly reading at the pool. 
I said YES to playing at the pool. 
I said NO to asking for help. 

Guess what happened?

Instead of feeling fulfilled, relaxed and energized, I came home so exhausted that I didn't move from the couch for almost two days. 

Every time I said YES to something I really didn't want to do, there was a little energy drain. And I ignored it.

Then, I'd say NO to something that I really did want. A little more energy drained and I ignored some more! I'd think, "We're on vacation, it's all good!" 

But, my true desires didn't care that we were on vacation! They still wanted me to take care of ME rather than putting everyone else first and thinking that "it's all good" because we're on vacation.  

No wonder I was dead to the world when I came home. 

We say YES and NO all day long. 

If you go to work, you're saying YES to work. 

If you stay up later than you want, you're saying NO to bed.

The question is... Are you saying YES to what you truly want? Or, are you saying NO honestly? 

Telling a LIE in your YES or NO is EXHAUSTING. It's an energy drain that can only be ignored for so long before you're laid up on the couch waving a white flag.

Your NO might feel shocking at first. (Saying 'no' to pool fun didn't make a whole lotta sense to me.) 

Your YES may be contrary to your culture or popular belief. 

But if you're HONEST, really HONEST with your YES and NO then you'll begin to feel a resurgence of energy and aliveness. 

Your true desires will cheer YES!!! THIS WAY!! And it feels AMAZING. 

Because your true desires have a VOICE and want to be HEARD, and they want you to be honest with yourself. 

Listen in. 

Listen to your YES. Are you being honest? 

Listen to your NO. Does it feel like the truth? 

Listen. 

Your honest YES and NO will serve you in ways that you cannot imagine, and they will never steer you away from what you really want. 

I create what I want - signed, YOU

Sam cringed every time she looked at her credit card statement. 

The girl was hustling and working hard, but the outflow of cash kept climbing and the inflow was level. 

She just wanted to stop worrying about all of the bills.

And she really wanted to feel like her work was paying off.  

But, here's the deal: Sam was driving toward what she thought she wanted, but was actually driving the wrong way. 

A lot of people make the same mistake.

But, we can change that. 

Let’s start with this…

1)    YOU CREATE YOUR REALITY.

Yes, YOU do.

Back in the day, my driving instructor would say, “Never look at the ditch because that’s where you’ll end up.”

Your life is the same way, and you get to point in the direction that you want to go.

In Sam’s case, her focus was pointed toward lack, waiting for the payoff, and believing the route was hustling, so that’s what she was experiencing.

2)    CLARITY POINTS YOU IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION.

If you don’t know what you ultimately want, you’ll most likely keep creating what you know.

It's like unconsciously driving the same route.

What you ultimately want is not that thing (like money)... it's the feeling you think you will have when you get that thing.

With Sam, she thought money was the target. After asking her some questions, she discovered that her deep desire was to feel PROUD of herself and her business.

3)    FOCUS GETS YOU THERE.

Once you know what you really want, then you can create that in your life through your focus.

So, focusing on thoughts that create the feeling you really want will attract more thoughts like them. 

It’s the Law of Attraction.

You will also attract people and circumstances that create that feeling too. 

For Sam, she locked her focus on what she’s already proud of in her life and started making a list. She felt proud of the business she'd built thus far, her relationships, and her personal growth. 

Her list went on and continued to grow.

HERE'S WHERE IT GETS EXTRA FUN! 

ONE MONTH(!) after Sam started regularly practicing feeling proud, she landed her highest paying client to date, received a new corporate contract, and three unexpected referrals.

Her pride is blowing up (her bank account is too).

You can create whatever you want in your life.

Clarity and focus are your buds. They're a tool to help you and make creating what you want feel like ease, not work. 

Buddy up with these three coaching tools and, through practice, you'll start creating what you want in your life too. 

#1 - Get in the habit of telling yourself that you are limitless and can create anything you want in life.

#2 - Identify something that you want and ask yourself how you’d feel if it magically appeared tomorrow.

#3 - Make a list of at least 30 (or more) things in your current life that bring you that feeling.  

Have fun with it!

How Janice created a turning point

Janice was feeling under the gun.

The VP of her company wanted to meet with her next week to discuss numbers, but her numbers weren't where she wanted them to be.

Her stomach was in knots.

The numbers needed to be explained, but she feared that he'd still be disappointed and she'd take the blame.

She wanted to throw something or cry or both. 

She also wanted to cancel her coaching session to bury herself in work, but something in her said to show up for the session anyway. 

“I'm so stressed and overwhelmed," she started, "I have to figure this out! And I don't even know if there's time.”

We started to explore her motivations to "do a good job" and her fears of disappointing the VP.

Then, Janice discovered something: She'd been defining herself by the numbers.

"OMG," she said, "When the numbers didn't seem to 'be enough' it felt like I wasn't 'enough' either." 

Janice realized that there is a difference between WHO SHE IS and the work she does. 

"I'm not the numbers," she explained. "I can discuss the numbers, but not make it ABOUT ME."

Janice's energy lightened.  

The fear and doubt faded from her and she went from wanting to hide to feeling confident and peaceful. 

"I feel like I found a power within me that I didn't really know that I had," she said.

A few days later she carried that energy into her meeting with the VP. She explained the numbers but didn't feel defined by them. 

Then, she did something she's never done before: She asked for support.  

Guess what the VP said?

He said he was so impressed by her confidence, vision, and leadership that he might have to take notes from her. And he would support her however he could.

"I'm gobsmacked!" Janice emailed to me. "This happened because I found a place of wholeness and aligned with myself before the meeting. This was a turning point." 

Feeling successful does not mean sacrificing feeling peaceful.

You can live a conscious life that is rooted in ease, and feel like a boss at work too. 

Want to create a turning point in your life? 

Reach out right here if you'd like to schedule a free discovery coaching session to learn more.  

It's okay to suck at being a mom

Let me guess . . .

Between work, the house, or the kids there are days when you want to slam your head against a wall. Or cry. Or scream.

Because you’re a good mom.

You love your kids to death.

You love being a mom.

But, sometimes… you feel like you suck at this.

Maybe you just want your kids to shut up, and you feel like a jerk for even thinking that.  

Or, you lost your mind and got really pissed at your kid, and you can’t believe you did that.

Or, maybe motherhood feels so damn hard at the moment that you don’t know why you voluntarily signed up for this gig. And that feeling sucks too.

Hey, listen, it’s okay.

This gig IS hard and it’s often thankless.

But, I’m going to be straight with you.

What really makes it hard is NOT the chaos, or arguments, tantrums or trying to get out of the house on time.

What really makes it hard is your thinking.

Your thinking could be like wearing glasses that see the world through the eyes of blame, shame, judgment, and right or wrong.   

If you tell yourself that you suck -- you’re wearing those glasses.

If you blame yourself for your kid’s struggles -- you’re wearing those glasses.

Or, if you put pressure on yourself to never screw up -- same glasses.

What if you tossed those glasses and put on a pair that saw your world through the eyes of LOVE and COMPASSION?

Imagine it. Right now. Just for a second. 

How do you see YOURSELF?

How do you see your kids?

Does the situation with them look differently?

What might LOVE and COMPASSION say to YOU when you’re struggling?

Got something?

WRITE THAT WISDOM DOWN.  

Keep it in your back pocket. 

Here’s one more thing.

When you practice this kindness toward yourself, you’re modeling self-love to your kids. You’re showing them how it’s done. You’re walking the talk.

And when that happens. . . your kids learn how to practice self-love.

And when that happens. . . they talk to themselves with kindness. 

And when that happens. . . they feel happier and more confident. 

And when that happens. . . well, you know this already, anything is possible. 

How powerful is that, mama?


Mandy M..png

Sarah and I began working together several months ago.  I was looking for a coach to support me in finding what I felt like I was missing in life.  On the surface my life would appear amazing, but on the inside I felt stuck and disconnected from my true self.  I felt the joy was missing.  Within one session with Sarah I felt an increased sense of ease & support, clarity, and peace.  The connection to my truth and joy quickly began to come back into my life.  Since then I've identified my internal purpose and external purpose and I've been living in a way that supports them.  Sarah's been a foundation for creating change and transformation.  I always feel like I'm talking to my best friend. Sarah understands and brings perspective, wisdom, ease, support, clarity and joy.  My son best described the results of my coaching experience with Sarah when he said "Mommy, why do you always laugh so much?"  - Mandy M. |  Colorado